


Broken into Pieces

by オビカカファッカー (Drakojana)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hatake Kakashi-centric, Kakashi is suicidal, M/M, Oneshot, Suicide Attempt, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:13:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29142054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drakojana/pseuds/%E3%82%AA%E3%83%93%E3%82%AB%E3%82%AB%E3%83%95%E3%82%A1%E3%83%83%E3%82%AB%E3%83%BC
Summary: Kakashi craved death his entire life. Eventually, someone grants that wish.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito
Comments: 13
Kudos: 151





	Broken into Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> This idea was born today and it was finished writing today. I like some good angst from time to time :)

Hatake Kakashi was barely fourteen when he’d already snapped. 

Something inside of him just broke one day, unable to carry the burden of his life anymore. And his only thoughts at the moment were that it was years too late. _Tragedies_ too late. He knew he should’ve just followed just father’s footsteps before he became Chuunin rank. 

As his fingers closed around the blade in his hands, pointing at his stomach, he couldn’t even remember what exactly had kept him going for the past three years. 

Finding friendship among his teammates had only halted the dark thoughts temporarily. He’d put off the inevitable by training with them, sharing meals and completing missions. They had smiled and he’d just scoff. They had laughed and he’d turn his head away. Because at the back of his mind he’d always known. There was a curse looming over his head and its vicious claws wanted to grasp at anyone he’d get close to.

Kakashi would’ve happily died in the dark cave where he and Obito had rescued Rin from the enemy’s hold. But whatever gods watched over him had laughed in his face and through his Uchiha teammate had pushed him out of the way of the falling rocks. The silver-haired boy shouldn’t have been the survivor of the mission. And yet he could only accept the gift in a form of an eye from Obito with silent tears. 

The plans for meeting his end had been pushed another year as Kakashi now had a new reason to keep going. The Sharingan blazed wildly under the scarred eyelids, every day glaring at him in the mirror. Reminding him of the promise he’d made to the dying teammate. His life couldn’t end too soon, the young Hatake had to keep living for Obito’s sake and see the world for him. 

And yet that wouldn’t last long. He’d break the promise to Obito and Rin soon died by his hand. The blood felt too warm on his arm, seeping through the skin and right to his bones to remain forever, marking him as a friend killer. Kakashi’s fragile heart only kept breaking into shards that hurt him from the inside. If the strange overwhelming exhaustion hadn’t taken over him then, he’d surely howl in despair and run blindly into the Kiri ANBU’s blades. 

He’d been too weak to kill himself even after waking up. For the next months, there’d always been someone near him, watching him. As if people around him could read the craving for death off his face. And so Kakashi had kept silent, had kept it all to himself. Surely, one day it would pass, he’d hoped. 

But no matter how watchful the rest of the ANBU had been, they hadn’t seen him scrub his arms till the bled. They hadn’t heard his bloodcurdling screams. They had never understood his haunting nightmares. Perhaps Kakashi hadn’t committed suicide following Rin’s death because he’d been too terrified of seeing her bloody, furious face in the afterlife. 

The remaining part of him that had known fear would too soon disappear. Hope would vanish into thin air in the last puff of smoke. The last bastion of his mental safety, longing for a family, for the closeness of another. Namikaze Minato and his wife Uzumaki Kushina. Kakashi had no reason to blame himself for their deaths. But his mind had screamed it had to be his fault. It had always been his fault. 

Everyone in the village was too busy recovering after the Nine-Tails attack. All the young hands were put to use all over the place, fixing buildings and keeping the civilians safe in case of a sudden ambush that would take advantage of the weakened state of Konoha.

Kakashi had received his tasks for the day. He even knew what he’d do for the entire week. But that one day when he decided to visit Rin’s grave and saw flowers stomped over, he’d finally snapped. 

It wasn’t euphoric or spectacular. There was no screaming involved nor ugly crying. If there was one thing the silver-haired shinobi was good at, it was keeping all the wildest emotions on the inside. In the hollow spot in his chest where other people had hearts. All five pieces of his heart had been ground to dust by fate, however. 

He simply turned around and directed his footsteps to the ANBU depository. He had just kunai knives on him and they wouldn’t do. He needed a sword. A tanto, a fitting end for another Hatake. Perhaps it was in their blood, falling into despair oh so easily.

The next half an hour felt like he walked through the fog, hardly registering who he’d spoken to and what he’d said. What mattered was feeling the cold steel in his hands. The surroundings were tuned out and all Kakashi saw was the blade. 

It poked his stomach and he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. One push of his arms, it was all it would take. He welcomed the pain with open arms. 

Except, it never came. His head was too clouded and he couldn’t hear anything. Kakashi barely registered being pushed to the ground and having his arms restricted. Several figures loomed over him but he couldn’t see them either. Tears blocked his vision and he wondered whose exactly they were. He thought he’d accepted this face. He thought he wouldn’t cry.

Kakashi didn’t resist as he was hauled into the Hokage’s office. He still couldn’t focus on the words spoken in the room, to him and about him. But the lack of his replies didn’t seem to halt the progress of the meeting. Choices were made and people regarded him with pitiful looks. All he registered was someone speaking of the next day.

And the next day, his heart became sealed. He wasn’t sure how, or what they’d found in there. But starting that day, there were inscriptions burned into the skin on his chest. A spiral of ant-like writings, representing a seal. 

Kakashi was an agent of ANBU. He was just a tool. And he learned that tools couldn’t have such foolish thoughts like suicide. He’d be of no use dead. They needed him alive. So he was robbed of ever making the choice again. 

It didn’t stop the hateful thoughts. It didn’t stop the nightmares. It didn’t stop the screaming. It didn’t stop anything. But the Hatake’s fingers could never coil around a weapon with the same intent again. The only way for him to die would be from someone’s hand. His self-loathing only continued to grow.

* * *

He couldn’t believe his own eyes. Uchiha Obito, his former teammate and friend, was alive, leading the opposing army in the Great Fourth Shinobi War. If Gai and Naruto weren’t right next to him, Kakashi would’ve frozen in place and fallen to his knees, sobbing ugly. But the fellow Konoha shinobi kept him standing and fighting Obito. 

His heart wasn’t in it, however. The silver-haired man felt that none of his movements was aimed to kill. He couldn’t do it when his head was racing with the thoughts of the enemy being Obito. The gods laughed at his expense for the hundredth time in his life. They were cruel and enjoyed picking him apart. 

Kakashi couldn’t think of killing himself anymore. But when his weapons clashed with Obito’s, he wondered how it would feel to die from his hand. It would only be fitting, as he’d failed him the most. The Uchiha being the secret leader of Akatsuki and killing all shinobi was yet another blame to put on Kakashi’s heart. 

He realised he was thinking of his own heart and felt the strange, unfamiliar, long-forgotten ache in his chest. One of the pieces was back, carefully put together and put in its place. But it only meant pain that came with hope and longing. The Hatake hurt at war and yet he couldn’t cry just yet. 

There was nothing holding him back anymore as Obito took him into the dimension created by his Mangekyo Sharingan. It was just the two of them facing one another, no one else to stand on either of their sides. No one listened to them speak and yet Kakashi kept talking like his lips were haunted by someone else. He knew it had to be Naruto’s influence. Had the Fourth Hokage’s son been absent in his life, he would have given up long ago.

In the end, he couldn’t convince Obito of anything. He didn’t fault him. Kakashi knew he didn’t sound convincing - no, _convinced_ of his own words. But he didn’t want to believe Obito’s promises of a dream world either. He didn’t want a happy life. He couldn’t have it. He just craved…

“Death.”

Twin Sharingan eyes stared into one another as they prepared for their final showdown. But just before it, Kakashi thought he’d share the deepest secret of his life with Obito. With his heart, hope was back. And there was a single thing he could hope for. 

“I cannot give it to myself but I can grant you this much.”

The Uchiha scoffed in response, his rough lines creasing under the scowl. 

“So can’t I. But we can change it now, can’t we?”

It sounded like a promise, salvation on Kakashi’s broken soul. If he could die from Obito’s hand, and end the war by granting him death as well, he’d be satisfied. A stalemate where no one could see them. A final, deadly match with no audience. 

Sounds of weapons clashing soon filled the air. For the first time in twenty years, Kakashi felt that he had a reason to fight. He didn’t want to simply collapse to the floor and wait for Obito’s strike. He owed him this much - a fair fight. And so the Konoha shinobi used all of his best jutsu, though saving the most deadly for last. He’d avoid doing this to his former teammate if he could. But if death was coming for him, then perhaps Kakashi wouldn’t have to face the nightmares again. 

He fired off Chidori as he held a kunai and Obito had a metal rod sprout out from the palm of his hand. They looked each other in the eyes one last time. Kakashi couldn’t keep them open in the end as they rushed towards one another. 

His hand went through Obito’s chest just as easily as it had pierced Rin’s soft flesh. His arm was once again enveloped by skin and bones and he started trembling, coughing with blood. His heart was skewered as well, the inscriptions on his skin finally broken by his old friend’s weapon. 

Kakashi dropped the knife, listened to it bounce off the cold floor. He opened his eyes, although not fully. He knew his sight would soon start fading away. Neither of them moved, just taking in their last moments. And yet, instead of feeling Obito’s body shake or hear his breath slow down, he was simply pulled closer. 

The metal rod grated against his ribs and spine and it paralysed him in the Uchiha’s hold. Obito’s strength wasn’t fading away. Kakashi couldn’t understand, he was dying. Obito should be dying with him. It was their silent promise, their last goodbye.

“I’m sorry, Kakashi.” Obito’s raspy voice sounded unfazed by the outcome of their fight. “But it’s okay. You won’t suffer anymore.”

The Hatake’s head fell onto Obito’s shoulder. He couldn’t keep it up anymore, his entire weight rested on the Uchiha. Obito didn’t seem to mind, letting Kakashi rest on him. 

“I’ve granted you your wish.”

The silver-haired man choked on his own blood when he tried to speak. But he had to get this one question out of him. He had to understand.

“W...hy… Why… didn’t it… K… kill yo...u…?” It was no louder than a whisper. His vision swam and was too dark to see any outlines anymore. For a moment he thought he’d lost his hearing too when there was no answer. 

His hand was taken out of Obito’s chest and he was settled down onto the ground, to have his final moments laying on his back. He knew the Uchiha was next to him, watching life leave his eyes.

“Unlike you, I truly had nothing left to lose. There’s nothing in my heart.”

* * *

Kakashi woke up in an unfamiliar place. Although it smelled like home and the wooden walls and paper doors looked like they belonged to the Hatake mansion where he’d grown up, it wasn’t his house. It was a simple room, with just one mattress in the middle where he’d slept in. He couldn’t recall what had happened before he’d fallen asleep.

He sat up and looked at a perfectly ironed, neatly folded light green yukata placed right next to him. There was a pair of wooden sandals waiting just for him as well. Kakashi had just his underwear on him, so he had to accept the gift of new clothes. He dressed up and his mind felt strangely light, free of all worries. 

Expecting a set of rooms and a corridor, he slid the doors open. What he was met with was a gentle breeze entering the chamber and a sight of a stone path leading up a hill. Lanterns adorned the sides of the road, little embers trapped in a glass encasing firmly placed in stone pedestals. Trees grew around the path as well, creating a canopy of tangled branches and fresh green leaves over it.

Kakashi took a deep breath and took his first steps up the path. When he glanced to the side, he noticed just how high he already was. He could see a blanket of clouds covering the scenery down the mountain. Everything felt just right. Peaceful, calming, and perfect. 

He found a gap between the trees, a cliff that hung over the rocky side of the mountain. The grass was tall enough to tickle his feet despite the sandals as he walked off the path. He could take in the beautiful sight fully now. He couldn’t see exactly what was hidden under the layer of clouds but here and there he’d notice a spruce tree or a pine poke out with its top.

The silver-haired shinobi wondered if that was what afterlife truly looked like. He still couldn’t quite remember how but he knew he had to be dead. Such pretty landscapes, he’d never seen them before. He’d already had an encounter with the land of the dead. But it looked nothing like the bonfire shrouded in the darkness he’d seen before.

He thought about where everyone would be waiting. His father, Minato and Kushina, Rin and…

Kakashi didn’t hear any steps and yet he sensed a presence behind him. Monstrous amounts of Chakra made the air around them buzz with energy that prickled his skin. It should feel cold and unfamiliar like everything else there and yet he knew just exactly who it all belonged to. 

“Isn’t the scenery wonderful?” 

Obito sounded just a little bit gentler. It was the same tone of voice Kakashi had heard in his final moments. And then the memories of his death flashed through his mind. He recalled the fight in an empty dimension, remembered the war. The smile he had on his face disappeared.

“I… Where am I?”

It didn’t feel like afterlife anymore. Not after feeling just how much Chakra Obito had in him now. Not after being able to still hear the promises of an endless perfect dream in his mind. 

The Uchiha didn’t answer his question. He didn’t sound particularly worried about the hint of distress in Kakashi’s voice.

“Don’t you think it’s pretty?” He asked again, awaiting the Hatake’s response to his first question.

But Kakashi needed an answer as well. Desperately so. He shook his head and let out a shaky breath.

“Where am I… Please…” 

He heard a soft exhale in either irritation or amusement. There was a hand in his hair, twirling the silver locks between fingers. Obito caressed it slowly, like someone trying to tame and calm down a scared animal.

“Anywhere you wish to be.”

Kakashi felt tears prickle his eyes. He didn’t want that kind of an answer. Yet he felt so helpless and small. There was no point in making a scene, running away. Whatever the world was, it was now completely under Obito’s rule. 

“The… war…”

“It’s over.”

“Are… Are they all…”

He couldn’t finish the question. In the end, Kakashi didn’t know which fate would be worse. And Obito’s answer just solidated the fear that he’d never see anyone ever again.

“Doesn’t matter.”

The hand continued to play with his hair. It was a moment of silence before a sob ripped out of his throat. His entire body began to tremble rhythmically and tears spilt from his eyes. He hadn’t done anything. He’d stopped nothing. He’d prevented nothing. And now he could only cry. 

Kakashi didn’t resist when an arm wrapped over his back and he was pulled close to Obito’s new body. He was turned around and could see it fully now. Housing the Chakra of Ten-Tails had changed him. His skin was pale, almost ghostly with a green glow. Obito’s hair had turned white, brighter than Kakashi’s silver locks. The scars adorning his face now looked like scales. Two uneven horns poked out from under the hair. 

The Uchiha’s mismatched eyes were on him, looking without any particular tone. They were neither pitying nor judging him. He simply watched the tears roll down his cheeks, the lips tremble with his sobs. 

The Hatake thought about his death again. He’d died from Obito’s hand, then…

“Why aren’t I dead….?” He asked with a hint of reproach. 

Obito tilted his head a tiny bit and the hand caressing Kakashi’s hair stopped for a moment. Confusion took over his indifferent expression.

“Because you deserve to be finally happy. At peace,” he answered slowly, waiting for the words to sink in. “You deserve to finally feel alive.”

Kakashi chuckled humorlessly. The gods had always played with him like their little puppet to stab with needless. He couldn’t think of how he would find happiness in the arms of one of them. Because now Obito was one of the gods of this world. Watching his suffering.

“I lost everything. I lost everyone.”

“But your heart isn’t empty just yet.” The Uchiha held him tighter. “You still have one last person in your heart, don’t you?”

The silver-haired shinobi didn’t answer. He just continued sobbing in Obito’s embrace. He understood that he wasn’t like all the cruel gods. He was in the arms of the most merciful god he’d ever met. A god who actually cared about his happiness and didn’t take everything away.

The final sign of Obito’s protective wings spread over Kakashi was a hand resting on his damp cheek. Kakashi closed his eyes and let the tears roll. Obito’s fingers delicately lifted his face off his shoulder and allowed their lips to briefly touch.

The kiss perhaps could finally fix what has broken all those years ago.

**Author's Note:**

> I promise I am still working on the ABO AU, it just takes a lot more mental energy from me than those short fics.
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!  
> [Come say hi on my Twitter](https://twitter.com/obkkfkr) (I run a lot of polls there that decide what I write next too ;) )


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